Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
