Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
