using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
