he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize