Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
