Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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