My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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