I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Drunk is not a location!
Dear god my vagina.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
