i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
