I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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