she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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