I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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