You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize