If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize