"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
