my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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