So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
