Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
