your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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