so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
