I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am available for nakedness
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
