the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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