I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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