Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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