dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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