what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
