Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
