OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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