i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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