I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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