9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize