I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
