you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she told me i tasted like america
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drunk is a universal language darling
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
