My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
