i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
