you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
