I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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