she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
