So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
