I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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