You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
