Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
