oh god the rape fog is back!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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