i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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