I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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