Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
