One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
