tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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