You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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