Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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