You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
