Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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