dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
