when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
