since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
