dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize