I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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